Showing posts with label family and marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family and marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
How To Murder Your Marriage.
HOW TO MURDER YOUR MARRIAGE.
1. Expect Perfection
Forget John’s comment that those who claim to be without sin are liars (1 John 1:8). Instead, fix your mind on the faultless spouse of your imagination while diligently marking your partner’s every transgression. Ruminate on their failures. Let each incident be part of the grand narrative of your spouse’s incompetence. Forget Paul’s counsel—let the rivers of bitterness rage (Eph. 4:31–32). Console yourself by remembering you’re the victim.
Dwell on perfection: physical perfection, emotional perfection, spiritual perfection—think on all of it—and be deeply offended at your spouse’s shortcomings. When hope begins to raise its head, shame it with memories of how your spouse has failed in the same way multiple times. Downplay any incremental progress. The truth is they will always hurt you and you can never trust them.
On those occasions when they meet your expectations, do not under any circumstances celebrate with them. Instead, seem vaguely annoyed that they finally lived up to their call. What’s more, assume the only reason they’re doing it is to get something from you—money, children, sex. You know there must be ulterior motives somewhere; hunt them down. Whatever you do, don’t look to Calvary amid your discontent. Because if you do, you may notice that the only perfect person hung on a cross for you.
2. Emote, Don’t Communicate
The roll-eyes emoji has nothing on you. Listening is for suckers, and speaking softly is for the weak. Don’t let Paul’s exhortation to speak only what edifies get in the way of a perfect sigh of frustration or lipcurl of disgust. Your emotions are the arbiter of truth, and they should be given full voice at all times. Though the tongue can set fires hot enough to rival hell, don’t restrain it. Give it free reign because that’s just you being authentic. Communication that is full of grace (Col 4:6), love (1 Pet. 3:10) and truth (Eph. 4:15)? These commands were obviously written for the super-spiritual, or at least for someone whose spouse is more capable than yours is. Being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (Jas. 1:19) requires time and energy that frankly you don’t have and they don’t deserve. It’s easier, quicker, and more satisfying to yell, stomp, pout, or freak out. And while you may not have time to listen to your spouse, they should always stop and pay attention to you right away.
3. Keep Your Options Open
You never know when something better is going to come along. True, you made vows in front of witnesses and the Lord, but everyone knows such commitments are naïve at best. After all, if you’d known all of your spouse’s failings, would you have made such a promise? Definitely not. Would God have made such promises to his people if he had known they were going to be lazy, gluttonous, murderous, treacherous idolaters (Rom. 5:6–11)? You certainly can’t be expected to do the same. Can you (Eph. 5:1–2)? There are a lot of fish in the sea, and one of them may be the key to your real long-term satisfaction. Indeed, you probably felt that way about your current spouse at some point, but you’ve learned so much since then. If you could do it all over you would make sure to get someone more attractive or more communicative or more artistic or more athletic or more organized or more . . . whatever. It doesn’t matter. But you’d definitely do better. So whether you’re at the gym or the grocery store, at work or even worship, be on the prowl for an upgrade.
4. Look Out for Number One
Nothing is more important than your momentary individual happiness. And by nothing, I mean not even God himself. Refuse to imagine a God who would want you to be unhappy, even if it leads to loving Jesus and being more like him (Rom. 5:3–5). Your marriage, as with all things in life, has one ultimate purpose: to serve you. Regardless of Christ calling you to serve (Mark 10:43–45) or to count others more significant than yourself (Phil. 2:3), demand that your needs be put first. Remind yourself that your value comes from your spouse’s ability to hold your desires in the highest esteem, not from the fact that Jesus chose to become as nothing that you might be redeemed (Phil 2:6–8). Only in the context of being constantly, effectively, efficiently, and immediately served should your spouse ever expect anything in return. And then only when it’s convenient for you.
5. Don’t Seek Help
Who needs an abundance of counselors (Prov. 15:22)? You’ve got this! It’s not like we’re talking about solving world hunger or finding the cure for cancer. We’re just talking about one of the foundational structures God uses to display his covenantal goodness to all mankind (Gen. 2:18–24). Your vows—“in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer”—were meant to reflect to the world, in a tangible way, God’s covenant promise to “never leave nor forsake” his people. Easy peasy, no help necessary. Plus, getting others involved would take work. It would mean giving up the appearance of having it all together and the illusion of control. Counselors, pastors, and mentors may speak hard truths into your life (Eph. 4:15). They may even hold you accountable for living up to your call as a spouse, regardless of how your spouse is acting (Rom. 12:9). You shouldn’t seek advice from older couples with happy and healthy marriages, because they were just plain lucky. Besides, no amount of real-world advice could stand up to the repository of dating and marital blogs you’ve skimmed over the years. All of which point to one inescapable conclusion: You’re miserable, and it’s all your spouse’s fault. How can anyone help that?
That’s it. With little effort and a whole lot of pride, you too can destroy your marriage. And any time you do, you destroy a powerful image of Christ’s covenant love for his people. Sadly, the world will be happy to let you get away with this murder.
Monday, November 2, 2015
Marriage Tips.
MARRIAGE TIPS.
After dating for nearly three years and knowing we were on the path to marriage, I asked my boyfriend directly when he imagined us becoming engaged. We had a couple of discussions where I laid out my expectations and he his before reaching an approximate window of when we both thought we’d be ready. I later told a friend about these discussions, and she responded, “I would never bring that up! You should just wait for him to propose when he’s ready.”
What? No, thank you. This huge next step was 50 percent about me, and I had the right to know where my (and our) life was headed. From that exchange, I’ve determined six things you shouldn't do if you're ready for marriage.
You shouldn't...
1. ...avoid the conversation
In a relationship, the choice to date each other is mutual. The act of marriage is a team endeavor. Marriage counselors, therapists and ministers suggest discussing every possible expectation for life as a married couple before marriage. So doesn’t it make sense that engagement—and the discussion of a future—should also be joint process? I’m not saying you and your partner should mutually propose to each other or plan out the exact date, time and location you’re going to become engaged (a little mystery and excitement can make the moment even more special), but engagement should not be taboo subject.
Through an honest discussion, you’ll find out if you’re on the same page. Is marriage important to both of you? Will it add something to the relationship or are you both content continuing to be together as you are? Are you still in love with each other or merely comfortable? Do you want to be married (as in, you’d elope if you had to) or just plan a fun wedding? With America's divorce rate as high as it is, marriage should never be entered into with a shrug or blind faith. Discussing engagement opens up the window to many important questions about your future together, and may even reveal that you don’t have a future together at all.
3.try to be the “cool girlfriend”
In an effort to prove they are not “that girl”—the demanding girlfriend who requests a proposal on her timeline—too many women don’t say a word about wanting to be engaged, bottling up their confusion, anticipation and frustration. If you are expecting or desiring a proposal, closing your eyes and hoping it will happen won’t get you anywhere.
Pretending you don’t care is a dead end, too. There are plenty of women who truly don’t feel the need to get married and are totally fine with long-term dating. If that is you, great! But if it’s not, no amount of forcing will change how you feel. There is nothing wrong about wanting to commit to a lifetime with someone, so for heaven’s sake, don’t feel guilty. Listen to yourself and acknowledge your needs.
3. ...drop hints
I get why women (myself included) drop hints—it’s so easy! You can put feelers out there, gauge a reaction and if you come under suspicion for your hinting ways, there’s no damning evidence because you didn’t actually say anything. So sneaky.
But while it’s easier to hint, this approach very rarely accomplishes anything. Women shouldn’t need to resort to petty games in place of having a grown-up discussion. When you’re unhappy about something down the road, are you going to drop hints to your husband in hopes that he picks up on them? Your partner can’t read your mind—say something. Any person who is serious about a future won’t freak out at the mere mention of marriage. If he or she is not respectful of and responsive to your efforts to have an honest discussion, maybe you have your answer right there.
4. ...make the discussion about a ring
Avoid bringing up engagement in the context of a ring. If a diamond (or sapphire or emerald) ring is important to you, that’s fine. Say it once and then back off. The more you bring up the rock, the less the issue is about the actual engagement and marriage. Also, rings aren’t cheap. Just as you cannot make money appear out of thin air, neither can they.
If you’re secretly expecting your significant other to plan out an elaborate proposal, consider that this might take a bit of time, too. Proposing is already a big deal; planning a special one takes it up another notch.
In either case, you’re absolutely required to be more patient. If waiting bugs you that much, it’s time to adjust your expectations.
5. ...talk about how everyone else is doing it
Similar to #4, you should avoid making your engagement about anything other than the two of you. It is insanely hard not to compare yourself to others, especially in the age of invasive social media. First you see your friends traveling the world, then in a happy relationship, then engaged, then married. Then they buy a house and have a child, and it all looks so fun and perfect. You feel like you're falling behind, and it's rough. Ugh.
The simple truth is, though, that there is no right time to get married. Just because your friends are getting married at 27 doesn't mean you should be getting married at 27. Using this as an argument for getting engaged comes off like you're trying to win a competition, not grow your relationship.
Reflect on whether you not only truly want this, but are also ready for this. You can be in love with your significant other and still need some time. Take a deep breath, block out the noise and focus on the two of you.
6. ...beat a dead horse
There should be an element of trust and respect that your partner hears you. I will admit that I didn’t do very well in this area when I was ready for engagement. I brought up the topic one too many times after our initial discussions. Letting my curiosity/anxiety manifest into a game of 20 questions only made my boyfriend, and me, feel worse. Feeling a lack of control is frustrating, but having a discussion (see #1) is your form of control. Say what you feel directly, clearly and honestly. State your intentions and expectations. Listen to theirs, as well. And then let it go.
ALWAYS PUT YOUR SITUATIONS IN GOD CARES.
Pray With Prayer Points.
After dating for nearly three years and knowing we were on the path to marriage, I asked my boyfriend directly when he imagined us becoming engaged. We had a couple of discussions where I laid out my expectations and he his before reaching an approximate window of when we both thought we’d be ready. I later told a friend about these discussions, and she responded, “I would never bring that up! You should just wait for him to propose when he’s ready.”
What? No, thank you. This huge next step was 50 percent about me, and I had the right to know where my (and our) life was headed. From that exchange, I’ve determined six things you shouldn't do if you're ready for marriage.
You shouldn't...
1. ...avoid the conversation
In a relationship, the choice to date each other is mutual. The act of marriage is a team endeavor. Marriage counselors, therapists and ministers suggest discussing every possible expectation for life as a married couple before marriage. So doesn’t it make sense that engagement—and the discussion of a future—should also be joint process? I’m not saying you and your partner should mutually propose to each other or plan out the exact date, time and location you’re going to become engaged (a little mystery and excitement can make the moment even more special), but engagement should not be taboo subject.
Through an honest discussion, you’ll find out if you’re on the same page. Is marriage important to both of you? Will it add something to the relationship or are you both content continuing to be together as you are? Are you still in love with each other or merely comfortable? Do you want to be married (as in, you’d elope if you had to) or just plan a fun wedding? With America's divorce rate as high as it is, marriage should never be entered into with a shrug or blind faith. Discussing engagement opens up the window to many important questions about your future together, and may even reveal that you don’t have a future together at all.
3.try to be the “cool girlfriend”
In an effort to prove they are not “that girl”—the demanding girlfriend who requests a proposal on her timeline—too many women don’t say a word about wanting to be engaged, bottling up their confusion, anticipation and frustration. If you are expecting or desiring a proposal, closing your eyes and hoping it will happen won’t get you anywhere.
Pretending you don’t care is a dead end, too. There are plenty of women who truly don’t feel the need to get married and are totally fine with long-term dating. If that is you, great! But if it’s not, no amount of forcing will change how you feel. There is nothing wrong about wanting to commit to a lifetime with someone, so for heaven’s sake, don’t feel guilty. Listen to yourself and acknowledge your needs.
3. ...drop hints
I get why women (myself included) drop hints—it’s so easy! You can put feelers out there, gauge a reaction and if you come under suspicion for your hinting ways, there’s no damning evidence because you didn’t actually say anything. So sneaky.
But while it’s easier to hint, this approach very rarely accomplishes anything. Women shouldn’t need to resort to petty games in place of having a grown-up discussion. When you’re unhappy about something down the road, are you going to drop hints to your husband in hopes that he picks up on them? Your partner can’t read your mind—say something. Any person who is serious about a future won’t freak out at the mere mention of marriage. If he or she is not respectful of and responsive to your efforts to have an honest discussion, maybe you have your answer right there.
4. ...make the discussion about a ring
Avoid bringing up engagement in the context of a ring. If a diamond (or sapphire or emerald) ring is important to you, that’s fine. Say it once and then back off. The more you bring up the rock, the less the issue is about the actual engagement and marriage. Also, rings aren’t cheap. Just as you cannot make money appear out of thin air, neither can they.
If you’re secretly expecting your significant other to plan out an elaborate proposal, consider that this might take a bit of time, too. Proposing is already a big deal; planning a special one takes it up another notch.
In either case, you’re absolutely required to be more patient. If waiting bugs you that much, it’s time to adjust your expectations.
5. ...talk about how everyone else is doing it
Similar to #4, you should avoid making your engagement about anything other than the two of you. It is insanely hard not to compare yourself to others, especially in the age of invasive social media. First you see your friends traveling the world, then in a happy relationship, then engaged, then married. Then they buy a house and have a child, and it all looks so fun and perfect. You feel like you're falling behind, and it's rough. Ugh.
The simple truth is, though, that there is no right time to get married. Just because your friends are getting married at 27 doesn't mean you should be getting married at 27. Using this as an argument for getting engaged comes off like you're trying to win a competition, not grow your relationship.
Reflect on whether you not only truly want this, but are also ready for this. You can be in love with your significant other and still need some time. Take a deep breath, block out the noise and focus on the two of you.
6. ...beat a dead horse
There should be an element of trust and respect that your partner hears you. I will admit that I didn’t do very well in this area when I was ready for engagement. I brought up the topic one too many times after our initial discussions. Letting my curiosity/anxiety manifest into a game of 20 questions only made my boyfriend, and me, feel worse. Feeling a lack of control is frustrating, but having a discussion (see #1) is your form of control. Say what you feel directly, clearly and honestly. State your intentions and expectations. Listen to theirs, as well. And then let it go.
ALWAYS PUT YOUR SITUATIONS IN GOD CARES.
Pray With Prayer Points.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
10 Relationship Secrets You Must Know.
10 RELATIONSHIP SECRETS YOU MUST KNOW.
A healthy relationship exist when two people develop a connection based on trust, honest, mutual respect and a sense of playfulness.
1.When looking for lasting love, forget what looks right, forget what you think should be right and forget what your friends, parents or other people think is right and ask yourself: Does the relationship feels right for me?
2.Be sensitive to what your partners like. Only go for spiritual counselling if both of you have a similar convictions of faults and have a good relationship with your counselor.
3.Do not based your relationships exclusively on sex. A meaningful and fulfilling relationship depends on more than just good sex.
4.Let romantic relationship be your watchword. Commit to spending quality time together as a partner on a regular basis.
5.Have a relationship with yourself first.If you lack self worth, dignity and value for yourself, you can never be loved.
6.Note this carefully. If your love does such thing as: promises to call you but does not make dates and breaks them, show up late or plays games with your emotions, be watchful, something may be amiss. Make corrections.
7.A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy relationships. Men have their worth and importance and want women to know and recognize this.
8.Whatever problems arises in a relationship, it is important to face them together as a couple.
9.If an aspect of the relationship stops working, do not simply ignore it but address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they come.
10.Create time out of your schedule to pray together.
http://www.sfi4.com/16282581
A healthy relationship exist when two people develop a connection based on trust, honest, mutual respect and a sense of playfulness.
1.When looking for lasting love, forget what looks right, forget what you think should be right and forget what your friends, parents or other people think is right and ask yourself: Does the relationship feels right for me?
2.Be sensitive to what your partners like. Only go for spiritual counselling if both of you have a similar convictions of faults and have a good relationship with your counselor.
3.Do not based your relationships exclusively on sex. A meaningful and fulfilling relationship depends on more than just good sex.
4.Let romantic relationship be your watchword. Commit to spending quality time together as a partner on a regular basis.
5.Have a relationship with yourself first.If you lack self worth, dignity and value for yourself, you can never be loved.
6.Note this carefully. If your love does such thing as: promises to call you but does not make dates and breaks them, show up late or plays games with your emotions, be watchful, something may be amiss. Make corrections.
7.A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy relationships. Men have their worth and importance and want women to know and recognize this.
8.Whatever problems arises in a relationship, it is important to face them together as a couple.
9.If an aspect of the relationship stops working, do not simply ignore it but address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they come.
10.Create time out of your schedule to pray together.
http://www.sfi4.com/16282581
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Counselling : How To Choose A Partner.
COUNSELLING : HOW TO CHOOSE A PARTNER.
There is a kind of joy the unmarried man or woman will never have until he gets married. Some burdens will never removed from the heart of man until he gets married. Some promotion, favor, progress, material things, academic positions and a level of spirituality will not be attained until you get married.
Many brother and sisters are delaying their blessings because of delay in marriage. He has instituted marriage so that the friction of life and problem of life will be removed. There is nothing anybody can do to disprove what God has instituted. God has made it so. some years ago, an unmarried employee will not be assigned to a very important position in the civil service.
HOW TO CHOOSE A PARTNER.
It is necessary to consult God with prayer and fasting for god's guidance and directive. Jesus prayed seriously before He chose the twelve apostles(Luke 6:12-13). this is an indication that a Christian must pray fervently before undertaking such life task. Abraham sent his servant to choose a wife for Isaac but the servant pray fervently and waited by the well where women used to fetch water. It indicates that patience is required in choosing a life partner(Genesis 24:11-14). It is better to be patient while looking for a partner.
You must refrain from foul game that leads many youths to fornication. This is by chosing many girls who will be competing with each other, for there are boys and girls who need future partners by all means. they are ready to give everything during courtship but after marriage everything will be withdrawn.
You must choose a woman or a man you love and know that you can cope or live with till the end of your life. It is wrong to choose blindly. Love is not blind, but the lust of the flesh is totally blind.
Choose rightly.
PRAYER FOR THE SINGLE AND MARRIED.
Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that the problem that disgraced my parents in marriage, you will not prosper in my life in the name of Jesus.
http://www.myprayerpoints.blogspot.com
There is a kind of joy the unmarried man or woman will never have until he gets married. Some burdens will never removed from the heart of man until he gets married. Some promotion, favor, progress, material things, academic positions and a level of spirituality will not be attained until you get married.
Many brother and sisters are delaying their blessings because of delay in marriage. He has instituted marriage so that the friction of life and problem of life will be removed. There is nothing anybody can do to disprove what God has instituted. God has made it so. some years ago, an unmarried employee will not be assigned to a very important position in the civil service.
HOW TO CHOOSE A PARTNER.
It is necessary to consult God with prayer and fasting for god's guidance and directive. Jesus prayed seriously before He chose the twelve apostles(Luke 6:12-13). this is an indication that a Christian must pray fervently before undertaking such life task. Abraham sent his servant to choose a wife for Isaac but the servant pray fervently and waited by the well where women used to fetch water. It indicates that patience is required in choosing a life partner(Genesis 24:11-14). It is better to be patient while looking for a partner.
You must refrain from foul game that leads many youths to fornication. This is by chosing many girls who will be competing with each other, for there are boys and girls who need future partners by all means. they are ready to give everything during courtship but after marriage everything will be withdrawn.
You must choose a woman or a man you love and know that you can cope or live with till the end of your life. It is wrong to choose blindly. Love is not blind, but the lust of the flesh is totally blind.
Choose rightly.
PRAYER FOR THE SINGLE AND MARRIED.
Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that the problem that disgraced my parents in marriage, you will not prosper in my life in the name of Jesus.
http://www.myprayerpoints.blogspot.com
3 Mistakes Women Make That Destroy Marriage.
3 MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE THAT DESTROY MARRIAGE.
Marriage is an institution and must be enjoyed. But some women marry as if they are ready for divorce. Everything about your home, love, children, finance and prayer life must be discussed with your spouse. Everything in the home is owned by "Us" and not "Me".
Two of you come from different backgrounds, training and upbringing. When and where there are differences, as a Christian, resolve it timely. Third parties may not be good except when necessary. Verbal wars, Insults, Quarrels, Abuse, Demeaning statements about your husband and children will lead to divorce. The home is where you have a family and not a "me" alone thing. Your home must be a team and that is why it is called a Family.
Proverbs 5:1 says, "A soft answer turned away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger".
Be at peace with all in your house, toe the path of peace and it will be well with your relationship and Marriage.
But, never go to sleep with a difference.
Prayer For The Single And Married.
Married: Father, in the name of Jesus, I commit my marriage unto your care. Let peace, love and harmony reigns in my home.
Single: I declare that by the blood of Jesus, I cleansed and set aside, chosen for Joyful and blessed relationships. Amen.
http://www.Facebook.com/pages/Marriage-And-Family/1627348594184420
Marriage is an institution and must be enjoyed. But some women marry as if they are ready for divorce. Everything about your home, love, children, finance and prayer life must be discussed with your spouse. Everything in the home is owned by "Us" and not "Me".
Two of you come from different backgrounds, training and upbringing. When and where there are differences, as a Christian, resolve it timely. Third parties may not be good except when necessary. Verbal wars, Insults, Quarrels, Abuse, Demeaning statements about your husband and children will lead to divorce. The home is where you have a family and not a "me" alone thing. Your home must be a team and that is why it is called a Family.
Proverbs 5:1 says, "A soft answer turned away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger".
Be at peace with all in your house, toe the path of peace and it will be well with your relationship and Marriage.
But, never go to sleep with a difference.
Prayer For The Single And Married.
Married: Father, in the name of Jesus, I commit my marriage unto your care. Let peace, love and harmony reigns in my home.
Single: I declare that by the blood of Jesus, I cleansed and set aside, chosen for Joyful and blessed relationships. Amen.
http://www.Facebook.com/pages/Marriage-And-Family/1627348594184420
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Relationship Counselling : How To Save Your Marriage.
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLING : HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.
Do you know that over 85% of marriage that collapse are "Marital situation That Lacks True Love". Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding , mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weakness. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
The holy bible also tells us the important of true love in marriage. In ( 1 John 4:8 ), it says, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. God's love is strong, faithful, true more than enough, everlasting and unconditional. For a Marriage to stands there must be unconditional love at home.
Love creates, love celebrates, love heals pains, love knows your deepest desire, love never ends and never tires. Love is precious, unconditional and merciful given.
And finally, love is the reason for living.
Prayer Talk.
Today, in the name of Jesus, your Marriage will receive:
1.Treasure without measure.
2.Pleasure without pressure.
3.Progress without protest.
4.Favor without labour in Jesus name. amen.
Do you know that over 85% of marriage that collapse are "Marital situation That Lacks True Love". Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding , mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weakness. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
The holy bible also tells us the important of true love in marriage. In ( 1 John 4:8 ), it says, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. God's love is strong, faithful, true more than enough, everlasting and unconditional. For a Marriage to stands there must be unconditional love at home.
Love creates, love celebrates, love heals pains, love knows your deepest desire, love never ends and never tires. Love is precious, unconditional and merciful given.
And finally, love is the reason for living.
Prayer Talk.
Today, in the name of Jesus, your Marriage will receive:
1.Treasure without measure.
2.Pleasure without pressure.
3.Progress without protest.
4.Favor without labour in Jesus name. amen.
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