How To Murder Your Marriage.

HOW TO MURDER YOUR MARRIAGE.

1. Expect Perfection 

Forget John’s comment that those who claim to be without sin are liars (1 John 1:8). Instead, fix your mind on the faultless spouse of your imagination while diligently marking your partner’s every transgression. Ruminate on their failures. Let each incident be part of the grand narrative of your spouse’s incompetence. Forget Paul’s counsel—let the rivers of bitterness rage (Eph. 4:31–32). Console yourself by remembering you’re the victim. 

Dwell on perfection: physical perfection, emotional perfection, spiritual perfection—think on all of it—and be deeply offended at your spouse’s shortcomings. When hope begins to raise its head, shame it with memories of how your spouse has failed in the same way multiple times. Downplay any incremental progress. The truth is they will always hurt you and you can never trust them.

On those occasions when they meet your expectations, do not under any circumstances celebrate with them. Instead, seem vaguely annoyed that they finally lived up to their call. What’s more, assume the only reason they’re doing it is to get something from you—money, children, sex. You know there must be ulterior motives somewhere; hunt them down. Whatever you do, don’t look to Calvary amid your discontent. Because if you do, you may notice that the only perfect person hung on a cross for you. 

2. Emote, Don’t Communicate

The roll-eyes emoji has nothing on you. Listening is for suckers, and speaking softly is for the weak. Don’t let Paul’s exhortation to speak only what edifies get in the way of a perfect sigh of frustration or lipcurl of disgust. Your emotions are the arbiter of truth, and they should be given full voice at all times. Though the tongue can set fires hot enough to rival hell, don’t restrain it. Give it free reign because that’s just you being authentic. Communication that is full of grace (Col 4:6), love (1 Pet. 3:10) and truth (Eph. 4:15)? These commands were obviously written for the super-spiritual, or at least for someone whose spouse is more capable than yours is. Being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (Jas. 1:19) requires time and energy that frankly you don’t have and they don’t deserve. It’s easier, quicker, and more satisfying to yell, stomp, pout, or freak out. And while you may not have time to listen to your spouse, they should always stop and pay attention to you right away. 

3. Keep Your Options Open

You never know when something better is going to come along. True, you made vows in front of witnesses and the Lord, but everyone knows such commitments are naïve at best. After all, if you’d known all of your spouse’s failings, would you have made such a promise? Definitely not. Would God have made such promises to his people if he had known they were going to be lazy, gluttonous, murderous, treacherous idolaters (Rom. 5:6–11)? You certainly can’t be expected to do the same. Can you (Eph. 5:1–2)?   There are a lot of fish in the sea, and one of them may be the key to your real long-term satisfaction. Indeed, you probably felt that way about your current spouse at some point, but you’ve learned so much since then. If you could do it all over you would make sure to get someone more attractive or more communicative or more artistic or more athletic or more organized or more . . . whatever. It doesn’t matter. But you’d definitely do better. So whether you’re at the gym or the grocery store, at work or even worship, be on the prowl for an upgrade.

4. Look Out for Number One

Nothing is more important than your momentary individual happiness. And by nothing, I mean not even God himself. Refuse to imagine a God who would want you to be unhappy, even if it leads to loving Jesus and being more like him (Rom. 5:3–5). Your marriage, as with all things in life, has one ultimate purpose: to serve you. Regardless of Christ calling you to serve (Mark 10:43–45) or to count others more significant than yourself (Phil. 2:3), demand that your needs be put first.  Remind yourself that your value comes from your spouse’s ability to hold your desires in the highest esteem, not from the fact that Jesus chose to become as nothing that you might be redeemed (Phil 2:6–8). Only in the context of being constantly, effectively, efficiently, and immediately served should your spouse ever expect anything in return. And then only when it’s convenient for you. 

5. Don’t Seek Help

Who needs an abundance of counselors (Prov. 15:22)? You’ve got this! It’s not like we’re talking about solving world hunger or finding the cure for cancer. We’re just talking about one of the foundational structures God uses to display his covenantal goodness to all mankind (Gen. 2:18–24). Your vows—“in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer”—were meant to reflect to the world, in a tangible way, God’s covenant promise to “never leave nor forsake” his people. Easy peasy, no help necessary.  Plus, getting others involved would take work. It would mean giving up the appearance of having it all together and the illusion of control. Counselors, pastors, and mentors may speak hard truths into your life (Eph. 4:15). They may even hold you accountable for living up to your call as a spouse, regardless of how your spouse is acting (Rom. 12:9). You shouldn’t seek advice from older couples with happy and healthy marriages, because they were just plain lucky. Besides, no amount of real-world advice could stand up to the repository of dating and marital blogs you’ve skimmed over the years. All of which point to one inescapable conclusion: You’re miserable, and it’s all your spouse’s fault. How can anyone help that?

That’s it. With little effort and a whole lot of pride, you too can destroy your marriage. And any time you do, you destroy a powerful image of Christ’s covenant love for his people. Sadly, the world will be happy to let you get away with this murder.

Marriage Counselling Online.

MARRIAGE COUNSELLING ONLINE.

Three months ago, my then-boyfriend, Craig, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I cried with excitement. After all, it was a huge moment in my life that was exceptionally exciting, special, and celebration-worthy.

But is it an accomplishment? No.

Now that I have a ring on my finger, I can finally publicly share my opinion that would have sounded plain bitter coming from a girl sans ring. And being officially taken off the market has definitely not changed my stance: Getting engaged and married is not an accomplishment.

Ladies, before you angrily dismiss me, hear me out.

My frustration is this: It is 2016 and being popped the question is still more celebrated than academic and professional pursuits of women. Yes, college graduations and landing a great career and receiving wonderful promotions are all received with happiness from friends and family, but not even close to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. This is my experience, at least.

“It’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on. “

I am so grateful for the excitement surrounding my upcoming marriage, however, I often wonder why the event of getting married is put on a higher pedestal than the true successes that come along with an education and career.

In the 1950s, women were primarily housewives and getting married was typically the end goal. Back then, being a wife is what defined a woman, so I can understand why finding your special someone was considered an accomplishment.

This is no longer the case, though. In today’s society, ladies are balancing much more than just finding a man.

Women are entrepreneurs, lawyers, teachers, CEOs, inventors, designers, researchers, writers, consultants and so much more. Women are going to college and then getting their masters and doctorate degrees. Women are endlessly working to climb up the corporate ladder. Women are key figures in our government. Women are changing the world with their innovation.

And while many of these women are married, they are definitely not solely defined by their last name.

In general I have noticed that I tend to be questioned much more about my relationship, engagement, or wedding than my job or related accomplishments. And, this didn’t just start in the last three months. It has always been the case that I was more likely to be asked “So, when are you getting engaged” or “How’s everything going with Craig” than “How’s your job going?” or “What have you been working on lately?”

I can’t blame anyone for being more curious about my relationship status than my career, as I too have been guilty of doing the same with other woman. After all, we are all taught through expertly crafted commercials and advertisements that it is of utmost importance for a woman to get a ring put on her finger.

Perhaps it’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on.

“You don’t have to have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner.”

In my opinion, getting married should never be put in a higher regard than the academic and professional successes that women work hard to attain. You don’t have to have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner. However, getting into X school, graduating with Y degree, and landing Z job does require actual hard work.

That’s not to say that there is no accomplishment related to being married. I believe success comes into play not when the man gets down on one knee or when the couple stands at the altar and says “I do”, but rather when the husband and wife are able to weather through financial woes, illnesses, having kids, and the general stresses of everyday life. Staying together in an era when over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce is certainly an achievement.

Once again, I must reiterate that getting married is absolutely a huge event, and it’s so very exciting to find your “other half.” However, the ring is no longer what defines a woman. So, I urge you to be excited when your sisters, female co-workers, and best friends announce their marriage, but please be just as excited (if not more) when they land the management position, get their Master’s degree, or open their own business.

DO YOU NEED PRAYER?